Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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