my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
