Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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