It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
