I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize