He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
