my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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