you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
