My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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