Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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