I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
