I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
