i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I have tasted many bathrooms
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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