Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
