Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
