True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize