fuck your aforementioned shoe
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So squirting runs in the family.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
