FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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