Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
