what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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