Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
