Only a mothe r could love this liver
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
