Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
