just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
