fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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