i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
