i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
