Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i already hear my dad disowning me
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize