I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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