She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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