3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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