You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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