His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
