So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Vodka?
Forever.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
