there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
