The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
