tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
