my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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