.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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