i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
In other news, I just burned my penis
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
