if i can run in heels then i can drive
should my penis look like a turkey
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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