I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
