So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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