Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
