I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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