question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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