I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
