But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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