What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
