I swear she didn't look like that last week.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
