I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
