I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
there is glitter all over my balls
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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