dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize