At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
