well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
