Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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