i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
