a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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