Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
