I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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