We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize