bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
