What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Randomize
